Glow Single Mama

You’ve probably heard that changing your mindset can change your life. But what exactly is mindset? According to Wikipedia, “A mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person or group concerning culture, values, philosophy, frame of mind, outlook, and disposition. It may also arise from a person’s worldview about the meaning of life.” As English isn’t my native language, it can be tricky to wrap your head around.

To me, mindset is, first and foremost, the story you tell yourself about your life – your past, present, future, and life in general. It’s the narrative you’ve absorbed and adopted from your parents, grandparents, caregivers, siblings, friends, and peers. For me, this narrative about myself has often sounded something like this: “Eva isn’t good enough just the way she is. Being a dreamer who loves to read and write is laziness. Eva struggles with math and money, just like her father. Eva isn’t thin, smart, or active enough.” And when it comes to life in general, it’s been more like: “Life is tough. It would help if you had a respectable profession to survive. You must achieve this and that.” These are things I heard from others, particularly my mom, unfortunately. Every girl’s biggest wish is to be loved and accepted by her mom just as she is. Thankfully, my father has always loved and accepted me for who I am, and I’m incredibly grateful for that.

For some reason, our minds tend to latch onto negative assumptions more quickly than positive ones, especially when we’re children. I can’t even recall the positive things my parents said about me when I was young. How sad is that? As a parent, I consciously try to avoid offering negative feedback and assumptions to my children as much as possible. I’m not saying we should sugarcoat everything, but I pay attention to how I phrase things, use words, and deliver feedback. I also remember to provide plenty of positive reinforcement.

It’s just that when you’re a kid, you soak up everything people say about you without filters – absolutely everything. You don’t yet know who you are, so what someone you trust thinks and assumes about you becomes what you feel about yourself. It’s incredibly challenging to separate what you genuinely are from the assumptions you’ve absorbed from others – those you believe define who you are.

So, whose narrative are you telling about yourself and your life?