Glow Single Mama

You’ve got it; I’m pretty darn frustrated with how my life has unfolded over the past five years. Let’s be clear, though – there have been some good moments and highlights sprinkled in there. My dad’s still with us, but he’s battling terminal cancer. So, I’ve learned to savor every good day he has – that’s the top priority.

I recently completed a degree in animal attending, which is a switch from my previous Master’s degree in Archaeology. Now, I’m on the hunt for job opportunities. It’s easier said than done, especially when you’re a single parent trying to balance work and raising kids.

Photo by Albert Vincent Wu on Unsplash

Where I live, we have unemployment benefits and income support, which takes some pressure off single parenting, but let’s not kid ourselves; these benefits could be more hefty. They’re just about enough to make ends meet and forget about saving for a rainy day – that’s not happening. Honestly, I’d much prefer a decent job that pays better. The trouble is that the cost of living keeps rising, but salaries seem stuck in the Stone Age. In some cases, you might even make less than what you’d get from social benefits. People wonder, “Why work when I can get nearly the same without lifting a finger?” But trust me, it’s not a walk in the park to get those benefits. Applying, filling out forms, submitting bank balance details, and others. Social services can be a real headache, throwing curveballs like, “Oh, we can’t pay you because we found out about that bank account you had in 1995 – we need its balance or an official document saying it’s closed.” You ring up the bank, and they’re like, “What? How? Who?” I didn’t mean to go on about this, but I just wanted to show that unemployment isn’t a cakewalk, despite what some might think.

Meanwhile, my older son has hit the teenage phase – the real deal, complete with all the trials and tribulations. He’s grappling with social anxiety, and these past few months have been quite the rollercoaster. Endless meetings with teachers and school counselors, trying out different medications – it’s been incredibly tough. I hope he gets better soon and life becomes a tad easier.

But let’s be honest, it’s always been a bit of a rollercoaster—one hurdle after another. When your life is a perpetual series of challenges, it can take a toll on your well-being. Unsurprisingly, I’ve started looking like I’ve been through the wringer. And yes, everyone’s lovely as they are, and I’ve been through a lot, so I deserve some empathy. It’s all good, and I appreciate it, but it’s also true. I’ve packed on about 20 kilos over the last five years. My body always had a pear-shaped charm, but after my youngest came along, my belly decided to have its growth spurt. At first, I figured it was still baby weight. Then, I convinced myself it was just a phase of bloating. But now, I’ve come to terms with it – it’s officially a “fat belly.” And that’s okay. I’ve carried two beautiful babies in there, and my body’s done some fantastic work. But this extra fat isn’t doing wonders for my health – it’s invading my organs and making me feel and look drained and unwell.

So, here I am, at a point in my life where I’ve had enough of this endless cycle of challenges. Enough is enough! I’m tired of feeling and looking this way. I’m tired of being a victim of circumstances. I have the time to care for myself if I want to; it’s just a matter of choice. And my intention is clear – I’m opting for habits and practices that make me feel incredible, inside and out. It’s not the glass of Chardonnay that’ll give me lasting joy (though it can be pretty delightful for an hour); it’s not the Netflix binges or the chocolate bars. Don’t get me wrong; they have their place and are great for those moments when you need a little indulgence. It’s just that I’ve realized they won’t lead to long-term well-being or better looks. They’re not self-care. My life isn’t going anywhere with those coping mechanisms, except maybe a bit quicker toward the grave.

I want my life to be about more than just stress and anxiety – more than fretting over my kids, finances, home, and existence. More than Netflix, more than chocolate, and certainly more than Chardonnay. I can’t change the fact that I’m a single mom with two kids, but everything else, I can change. And change is coming – that, I’m sure of!